the garrison show

* there seem to be two faces to chinese people, as far as gross generalizations go (which may not be dissimilar from any other people). on one hand, they absolutely adore americans and are thrilled to practice their english (even if it’s just saying “hello” over and over again), show you their country and see someone who looks so different from themselves. they will go half an hour out of their way to make sure you get to your hotel, catch the right bus or buy from the right store. unfortunately, there is also a dark side that looks to capitalize on the ignorance of tourists at every opportunity. this is the side that will scam you mercilessly as they smile right at you. i suppose this is just human nature and not particular to chinese people, but the two sides seem so distinct in china.

* there are no fat people in china. strike that, there are no fat CHINESE people in china. well, there are no fat chinese people over the age of 1 in china. chinese babies are fat, but that only makes them more adorable. but in three weeks and four cities, i did not see one single overweight chinese person. i don’t know what they’re doing (besides not eating), but americans need to adopt it.

* driving is absolutely insane. i guess there are places that are actually worse, but it’s difficult to imagine how. the roads have line markings painted on just like the US, but they don’t even qualify as suggestions. they’re more like decoration. cabs routinely drive square in the middle of two lanes trying to figure out which one is faster (answer: neither, you idiot). i never managed to figure out how there aren’t constant collisions with the absurd number of buses there since they seem to operate under their own rules. stop lights, signs and even the direction of other traffic all have no impact on the decisions a bus driver makes. and yet a chinese driver’s license is one of the most difficult certifications possible.

* i saw poverty in china not like any other poverty i’ve ever seen. people living in huts made out of dirt and trash line the highways. i can now say that i’ve seen a real-life peasant. they work in these fields and rice paddies all day and then sleep in the trash. i really can’t imagine.

* there are few ‘toilets’ in china. the chinese are more interested in ‘pits.’ great.

* in general, the eastern standard for cleanliness is a bit shy of the western. i saw children literally take dumps on the sidewalk and then just walk away. trash is everywhere. awesome.

* it’s weird that everywhere you walk you see police with guns standing at attention. most are communist party police but some are just city police. in either case, they never seem to look very opening, especially as they march down the street carrying their submachine guns. they do provide quite an incentive to only cross the streets at the crosswalks.

* every sweet-looking building you see is a government building, almost without exception. there really aren’t such things as office buildings due to the lack of capitalism.

* the pollution is appalling. i could count the number of clouds i saw on one hand, and all of them were at the great wall, 2 hours outside of beijing. in every other city, the sky is grey from sunup to sundown. about 1 in 30 people wears a mask when they walk around outside.i think more than anything, this is the reason i couldn’t live in china. i need blue skies and sunshine. the government has only started even talking about the environment in the last 5 years. it was not long ago when the yellow river was full of chemicals dumped from manufacturing plants. ugh.

* every chinese male over 13 smokes. everywhere. all the time. unbelievable. there may be 1.4 billion of them right now, but give them 15 or 20 years of this and i think we’ll get under a billion pretty soon. someone should tell them smoking kills.

* i assumed asians were genetically blessed with clean, smooth skin. i saw a surprising amount of adult acne in china. go figure.

* when they drive, chinese people honk constantly. it’s the most annoying thing ever. it doesn’t matter how close you may or may not be, you will receive at least 5 honks if you are even glancing at the road. it seriously drove me crazy.

* chinese cities are pleasantly full of random green spaces. from hong kong to shanghai, anywhere in the city you’re never very far from a nice park or open square. it’s an admirable characteristic of their city planning and i wish it were better emulated domestically.

* chinese people are crazy about being in pictures with things. a picture of chairman mao? worthless if you’re not in front of him throwing a peace sign. the great wall? you might think it would hold its own in a photo, but not unless you’re standing in the middle of it giving yourself a high-five. it’s just a personal irritant, maybe. maybe they’ve got the right idea and i’m the one that’s the idiot, taking all these pictures of things with nary a human being in sight. there’s no accounting for taste.

* i really enjoyed almost every moment of my trip. i’ve now been surprised at how little reaction i get from americans when i tell them i was in china for 4 weeks:

“so i went to china for three weeks.” “really, how was that?”
“oh, it was amazing.”
“wow - cool. where did you want to go for dinner?”
i guess i should have gone to the moon.