i realized last night, as i was sitting on the carpet at midnight eating moose tracks ice cream out of the carton (delicious!), watching mission impossible on my computer and smelling some funk under my arms, that i’m definitely not an adult.
see, grown-ups know how to furnish a home, eat responsibly, go to bed on time, and clean themselves regularly. these are just a few of the things i’m still working on. i’m really good at organizing, planning, and getting ready to live; it’s actually living where things fall apart. i can make a damn list with the best of them. i know the order the numbers go in and i never forget one.
the walls in my house are as bare as the hardwood floor. art, you ask? let’s just say i’m a minimalist. i actually am excited about decorating, just incompetent at actually doing it. if i’ve got no idea what colors i’m going to paint or what kind of couch or rug i’m going to buy, how can i possibly coordinate colors? you can see my dilemma.
so back to my original predicament. i did eat dinner last night–a fajita from Moe’s–but that didn’t stop me from munching the hell out of some moose tracks. so good! and it’s like a scavenger hunt, trying to find all the little peanut butter cups and fudge ripples. and it’s the best kind of scavenger hunt cause even when you can’t find either one, they’re always just surrounded by wonderful vanilla ice cream. i was i was surrounded by wonderful vanilla ice cream. then i wouldn’t need furniture. i rest my case: mr. tracks is a genius.
and who starts watching a movie at midnight? 14-year olds, that’s who! in reality, i haven’t even started puberty, much less finished. at least i wasn’t watching porn. no comment.
the only redeeming adult quality i’ve got is that, at least for the past two days, i’m an awesome teacher. will that get me to heaven?
2 Comments
As superfluous as a “couch” and “table” may seem, they actually add some “hip” points — more specifically, sane points.
You OWN a house — that already gets you like 50 cool points…go for that extra 20 with the furniture and “light” decorations.
Bob Marley posters or John Belushi wearing “College” shirt = bad
art / photography that you like and framed nicely = good
If you walked into some girl’s house, and she had shit all over the floor and sat in the corner of the living room indian style to watch TV, you’d be like — uhhh.. you’ve lived here HOW many weeks — do you actually OWN this place or are you squatting, you hobo? you dig?
Ziglertron Industries — making the world a better place. For Greg.
xoxo
thanks for the tips, zigler. i’ll try not to fuck it up for you.
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[...] you should have heard the stream of invective that flowed from my virgin mouth. i’ve praised the moose tracks before and i sure was enjoying the hell out them then. perhaps too much, for now i was confronted by the tempting goodness armed only a crippled, plastic stick. i did contemplate eating it with my fingers, then shoving my entire face in the bottom of the carton crossed my mind before i slowly put it back in the fridge, thoroughly stymied. i’ve never been defeated so soundly by a dairy product before. i hope i never am again. [...]
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